Friends & Fellow Citizens
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Friends & Fellow Citizens
#82 Part I: Universal Genius of the Hot Crazy Matrix feat. Dana McLendon
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From Leonardo da Vinci to George Washington , Mary Shelley to Albert Einstein, the spectrum of geniuses is endless. A 7-minute video from 2014 with over 300 million views (and counting), the "Universal Hot Crazy Matrix" has been a favorite for countless people around the world. In this two-part grab bag episode like no other, the mastermind of the hyper viral video Dana McLendon joins us in a free-flowing conversation about how this video got started, the numerous reactions to it since its launch, and much more!
Watch and enjoy the original "Universal Hot Crazy Matrix" video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_H85PH2gtw&t=32s
Listen to Part 2 HERE!
Check out the following links for more mentions of the Universal Hot Crazy Matrix!
Article: The Tennesseean - Alderman's 'hot crazy' female matrix goes viral
TV Appearance: Dr. Drew On Call - Creator of 'Hot/Crazy Matrix' talks to Dr. Drew
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IMPORTANT NOTE/DISCLAIMER: All views expressed by the host are presented in his personal capacity and do not officially represent the views of any affiliated organizations. All views presented by guests are solely those of the interviewees themselves and may or may not represent the views of their affiliated organizations, the host, Friends & Fellow Citizens, and/or The George Washington Institute.
Patriotism. Faith. National unity. Education. Physical responsibility. Stability. The values that define America. Fascinating stories and talks from America-loving patriots dedicated to preserving freedom, opportunity, and justice. Welcome to the Friends and Fellow Citizens Podcast. Hello everyone, and welcome to episode 82 of Friends and Fellow Citizens. I'm your host, Sherman Tailowski. Thank you all so much for joining me this week. We've got another exciting episode, one that is, I think, very, very different from the other ones that we've done. This is another classic part one, part two episode. So once again, uh this is part one. If you want to listen to part two, you can click down the link in the show notes below. Or if you put in on uh automatic play, it should play to the next F Folly episode for part two. As a kind reminder, make sure to subscribe to our email list to get the latest news and notifications from our show. And also be sure to check out the Ask Our Guest feature, which was announced last week. This is a great way to really be a part of these interview episodes and more information in the previous episode, or just simply subscribe to our email list, and we'll have some more details for you about how to have a chance to ask a question for a future guest. This week's episode is not about policy, it's not about legislation, not about foreign policy. It's about uh relationships. But what kind of relationships? Perhaps relationships that are closer to home. This week's guest is Dana T. McClendon III. On his Instagram page, he describes himself as a professional clown, amateur, subversive, and parasite by choice. Now I don't do this at all with the other episodes that I've done so far, but I highly, highly recommend that you watch the seven-minute video that is down below in the show notes. I guarantee it you will not regret watching this amazing video that went viral just several years ago. Probably one of the most innovative inventions I've ever seen is perhaps the most famous matrix of all the universal hot crazy matrix. And without further ado, pause this episode right now. Go watch, enjoy that amazing video, and we'll see you in just several minutes. All right, ladies and gentlemen, I am very happy to welcome Mr. Dana McClendon on Friends of Fellow Citizens. Dana, thank you so much for coming on to our program today.
SPEAKER_02I could not be happier to than to be here.
SPEAKER_00Well, this is obviously a very, very special episode because you you're normally on our podcast we talk a lot about policy issues, legislative ideas, and all the rest. But today is something a little bit different. And uh I I as I mentioned in my introduction, I highly, highly recommend that people listen to that short video down the show notes below. This is that would be a really great platform to really start our conversation today. But Dana, I just gotta say, when I watched this video, I think it was about two, three years ago, but then I re- I watched it again last year because I was I guess I was just you know the the idea of dating or marriage just comes up so often. But I I was always wondering who is the man behind this viral video. I I decided I watched an interview that you did.
SPEAKER_02I don't know what your uh I don't know what your profanity rules are, Bear, but let's just say he's just some jerk on the internet.
unknownHow about that?
SPEAKER_00Well, it's it's just phenomenal how you you're able to condense that information down so well. I I just honestly thought you were a professor of trade, uh, but you obviously have uh a bit of a different background. So tell us a little bit about your background and what what you're up to nowadays.
SPEAKER_02As you said, my name is Dana McClendon. I am a trial lawyer. Uh when I say trial lawyer, I mean anything that happens at the courthouse. So I do trials and appeals. Um this year I've tried, I don't know how many divorce cases handled. I don't have any idea uh how many misdemeanor cases. Uh tried a murder trial a couple months ago. Uh I've got a kidnapping case. I mean, just whatever. So I'm just a I'm just a mercenary at law. Um been doing it about 30 years, graduated from Vanderbilt Law School, and went into practice here in Middle Tennessee and been here ever since.
SPEAKER_00Wow. Well, the certainly, you know, the things that you mentioned are certainly relevant to to the hot crazy matrix. And uh we're gonna start with there because I just think it was so ingenious for you to come up with a matrix like that. It it's it looks like something from a textbook almost, like the best textbook I can ever imagine. So tell us about how you came up with with this idea and walk us through the experience of filming it at the time in 2015.
SPEAKER_02Well, that's probably gonna be a big disappointment. But um, so the way it the way it evolved was um I had a guy come to see me and he he was hiring me, I think, for the third time. He'd been in like three little scrapes with the law. And I looked at him and I said, Hey man, do you understand why you have to keep paying me and hiring me? And he said, Man, I guess I'm just unlucky. And I said, No, that's not it. What do all of these things have in common, all these charges have in common? And he he struggled for a minute. I said, It's a crazy woman.
SPEAKER_01And he was like, Yeah.
SPEAKER_02He was like, But but what do I do? And I was like, Man, I let me see if I can help you with that. And I just started noodling around on a legal pad, and I came up with the I guess the the original sketch, and it it had pr it had most of what became the final bit. But the first time I drew it, it was not a bit. It was I was literally trying to show a guy how he could like not have to hire me anymore by just making better choices about the women he spent time with. Probably the only two parts that were not in the original just first brainstorm drawing were Tiffany, the Tiffany punchline, and the tranny punchline, which is arguably the like the the the the one, right? But um, those were organically added later while I was because after I drew it the first time, he laughed and he goes, Man, that makes a lot more sense to me. And so I just started, you know, like if I'd be if I was sitting next to someone at the courthouse or killing time or whatever, I'd I'd draw it, show it to them. Most people laughed. And um, so I just, you know, if I had if I had a few minutes, I'd share it with somebody. And uh, I was doing it one time. I was showing a guy one time, and I got to the danger zone, and he pointed at, he put his finger on it, he tapped on it, and he said, And Tiffany's Tiffany's are in the danger zone. And I was like, Yeah, that's good. Because he really meant it. He he he really had a crazy Tiffany problem. Um, but I realized that the comedic genius of adding Tiffany was that first of all, everyone knows a crazy Tiffany. And second of all, Tiffany was just a mnemonic placeholder. Like your Tiffany might be named Sarah, but if I gave you a name, you just filled it in with whatever name worked for you. Um, so that was kind of accidental genius. Later, the part about the tranny stuff actually happened sort of the way I explained it in the video. Like that's not um, it was organic between me and a dude I was showing it to. Um, and I just, you know, just riffed it and there it is. The one other thing that happened spontaneously, aside from the entire film, the entire video, um, was during the filming, um, I did not have hairdressers in the danger zone when I would do the bit on my own. And um, the day that we filmed what became the hyper viral video, um, I did not know I was gonna see James. He didn't know I was coming to see him. I hadn't planned to see him. I just happened to go to court in the county where he lives. It's about an hour and a half from where I I live. And if I'm over there in Camden, I stop in and I see my friends that are over there. So I got out of court, I went by, I saw James, and I don't even remember how it came up, but I think he must have said something like, Oh, you know, so-and-so's girlfriend's giving him a hard time or whatever. And I I don't even know. Anyway, I drew the bit, I showed James the bit, and uh he goes, That's funny, man. You should do a video. And I said, Okay. So he literally walked out um into his filming room. It well, it's just it's just a classroom with a whiteboard, and turned the camera on and filmed it. And what you saw on the on YouTube and on wherever you saw it, Facebook and wherever else it went, um, what you saw was one take. There was there was no editing. Well, the only editing that was done was we filmed it all straight through. Um and then James, and when when I finished doing the bit, James stepped in the camera, we filmed the intro, and we filmed the exit. Um, and what was funny was that while we were filming it, it was just me and James and then two women that worked for them, and they had no idea what we were up to. So if you listen carefully, you can hear you can hear women snickering, and they'd never seen it either. So they were seeing it for the first time, and they were trying not to laugh. And I almost broke like I wasn't really in character, that's just me being like, you know, deadpan, but um, but you can hear them snicker. And then Jane, when I was doing the the bit on the whiteboard, um, I got to danger zone and James from off-camera yells, and hairdressers, and I was like, and hairdressers are in the danger zone for sure. So um, and then if you saw the the full seven-minute video, at the end, he asked me, Um, so is there one for men? Well, he didn't know that yet. The answer was yes. I I actually do also have a a very simple chart for men. So his reaction to the the little bit at the end where I draw the one that women use to pick a man um was completely natural. I mean, James and I have been friends for 10 years or so. So um that was just two dudes goofing around, man. I I if we had known that it was gonna go viral, we would have messed it up completely and it wouldn't have gone viral. We would have like overproduced it and thought too much about it and had a website with t-shirts and everything ready to go. And so it would have it wouldn't have become viral. Um, the only way it went viral was that it was just two idiots that tur that happened to have a camera sitting on a tripod and we turned it on one day, and the rest is history.
SPEAKER_00Oh, it's so amazing. I mean, it's almost like it was just meant to be. You know, things just kind of happen and you kind of feel like I don't know, I don't know if it's pre-planned or whatever, but you just know that you you just gotta do it. And I I love how you you told a story about how there's it literally felt like we were in class and learning about these concepts because we don't learn this stuff in school.
SPEAKER_02Right. Um, I had never I had never contemplated filming the bit. I mean, I had just showed it to one person at a time or maybe two, you know, but I'd never like thought about making it a video. Um and so when we turned the camera on, I just sort of naturally realized that like that this was not a bit that worked if I laughed at my own joke along the way. So I just did it completely deadpan. And um, and I think that helped, uh, because if I'd been yucking it up along the way, I I I don't think it would have worked quite as well. And I think that that part of what made it work was that people couldn't tell whether or not I was serious, and and then people got mad because they thought like I was like one thing I got all the time was um because I mean a hundred this this thing at one point I counted up like 300 million views on various places, and I quit looking because I got to the point where I was finding only five million at a time. So um so you know, out of the hundreds of millions, some of the comments that became, you know, because it would pop up one place in another, and then there would be a thousand comments below it, you know, like Bro Bible or Cracked or Um, what's that? Um what's the one with the keep calm and chive, the chive. Um and so it would or or um World Star or wherever, it would pop up and it would have thousands of comments. And one of the comments from somebody that was that would that was common among people that were angered by it was like, tell that fat cop to get back to work. And you know, it's just kind of like like you said, you thought it was a you thought I was like a professor or something, but um then people that looked at it a little more closely saw that I was carrying a gun and they thought I had a pocket protector, and it was my it it was really my phone and my shirt pocket. But people like I said, we didn't we didn't plan to film that. So the way I'm dressed and everything that happens in that video, that's just how I went to court that day. Um and I had my phone in my pocket and I always carry a gun, so um, so I had a gun on and I just happened to have taken my blazer off. So like I said, if we had thought through it and tried to plan it or or make it work, we wouldn't have made it work.
SPEAKER_00Absolutely. Wow, that's phenomenal. Thank you so much for sharing about that because you know I uh as I watched it, I I'm just you can imagine, you know, imagine the million hundreds of millions of views. I mean, just imagine how there could be people watching who are thinking saying, you know, Dana, you are saying exactly what how I've always been thinking, but I just didn't want to say it out loud.
SPEAKER_02And I think that's what the Yeah, I think what made it go viral, so viral, was that people saw it, and whether they had thought it and weren't willing to say it or not, I think what made it go really hyper-viral was that there were pieces in it that were just too true to deny. Like, like, and and it, and it's um it it it I think it also worked because it really goes to like like the struggle to to find someone that can put up with you that you can put up with them, right? Like that's the hard part of of of relationships and coupling. Like, there's a ton of people that I would love to hang around, you know. Like if I were not married, there's probably a ton of people that I would be like, yeah, that'd be awesome if I could hang out with her, but she wouldn't have me. Um, and probably there's some women that would think I was cool to hang out with, but I would be like, Yeah, I don't know about that, you know. So the struggle is to find the match. And and so in that five, seven minutes, there was something that's that people had experienced. And so they were like, that that's it. That's the thing. And so they sent it to everyone they knew, and then you know, you you get the law of exponential growth um before long.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you're yeah, you're right, absolutely right. And uh before we I I ask you about just some of the reactions and and all that, uh what uh I mean there's so many great bits. Um, it feels like every single part didn't they just all kind of marry together as as one cohesive video. But one and it kind of builds. That's right, you're right. It it's yeah, the adrenaline kind of builds and all that. One of my my my probably my favorite one uh really is the danger zone because I thought of the Greek mythology, the sirens, you know, those myth myths creatures. Yeah, and I right uh which very briefly to people, they uh the sirens were basically creatures, they were half woman, half fish, they would perch on some very, very pointy rocks, and they would sing, um, but not because you know people pay tickets or anything to watch them, uh, but it they were actually very evil creatures, and what happens is that sailors would sail by and would be so distracted and they would completely lose focus and crash and drown. It's it's but but I I was thinking about that myth, and I was like, there's yes, I know it's a myth and everything, but let's be honest here, there are actual sirens out there who you know they're there you could be so enamored to them, and and before you know it, you're gonna go from the Greek myth sirns to the signs on the police car that you'd be riding uh in with these ladies.
SPEAKER_02Well, you know, every war up until the the first world war was was really about a woman. So um I I mean just kidding. But like um, yeah, I that there were there were bits. Um I'll tell you that I watched, I happened to, after it went viral and while it was going viral, I had occasion to watch the video with many women that had never seen it. And what I learned very quickly was that if they don't at least chuckle at the first bit in the bit, the first the first like hint that this is not going like that this is gonna be a joke, right? The first hint is that I say, well, you know, the the crazy is measured from four to ten, because of course there's no such thing as a woman who's not at least a four crazy. If they don't chuckle at that, you need to turn it off because it's about to get a lot worse. Because if that if they if they if they snarl or or make a face at that, you just need to bail, eject, and get away because it's not going to get better.
SPEAKER_00Oh gosh, that that must that must have been quite an experience, right? Just like I mean you're almost kind of like you're gauging the their their facial expressions or their reaction that's early on, but uh hopefully a lot of most of these will be stuck stuck around and and had a had quite an amazing time.
SPEAKER_02So here's the thing. So everyone that knows me in person knows that I'm a clown. So um, you know, um they they they kind of did not they they kind of knew something was up, or or they'd heard about it, but they hadn't seen it, so I showed them or or whatever. But it I mean, anyone that knows me in person knows I'm just going somewhere to, you know, like if I show up in a room, people are gonna laugh pretty soon.
SPEAKER_00And and now I want to ask you about uh how your family and friends reacted to this video. I don't know how many people you told them before about before after you released the video, but yeah, what was that like?
SPEAKER_02No, that's not at all how it happened. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So, James, the guy who's in the video with me, if you saw the full version, uh, a lot of people only saw the the part where I'm standing in front of a whiteboard, but the full version that we put out, there's there's a good friend of mine is in the very beginning, and he comes in it back at the end and he introduces me and then I do the bit, and then he comes back on camera and he asks me a question, I do another bit. He didn't know I was going to do that second bit. But um, James, this was not the first time that James had played a part in a viral video. The first viral video that he played a part in is the one we call the rant video. Um, and you can your listeners can go go find that. But um, so my wife knows James and was as James is a client of mine. So I had I had kind of walked James through a little situation that developed when he made the first video viral video, The Rant. So um, and we've told that story before, so you can go check go check that out on his channel or whatever. But um, so he um but I had never showed my wife the bit at all. There was just no reason. I mean, in a couple of months, we'll have been married 30 years, uh, you know, like I I I wasn't withholding it from her, it just never came up. Um so uh I we put the video out, and honestly, we put it on James's channel, and James's channel is you know, like gun guys and and preppers and and cops and and you know, like there's kind of a small self-selected group of people that are gonna be watching James's videos. So I thought, okay, there'll be 5,000 dudes, 10,000 maybe, we'll yuck it up, call it a day. Um that is not what happened. So before long, it was it had just exploded across the internet. Well, my wife had never even seen the bit. Never mind, did she know I'd ever made a video? So the thing is going nuts, and I'm starting to get calls from like the New York Times and and newspapers and radio stations and TV, you know, like network. Um, and I and so my older son was about to leave for college that year. And he we were home one day, and we put it up in July, and by August, it was absolutely off the charts. And he just said out loud in the living room one day, the family room, he said, Dad, how's the video doing? And my wife said, Video? What video? And I was like, um, so now you have to understand the context. Here. My wife and I have lived in the same house for 22 years. We live in a not a small town, but we live in a town where I'm pretty well known because I've been on city council for 20 years. Um, I've coached little league and and you know football and and stuff. I'm a I'm a well-known lawyer here. So our life sort of depends upon me not being seen as a pariah. Okay. So, you know, but there had already been some pushback coming from the video. There were people that didn't like it, and so they were sort of starting to jump up and down. So my wife is in the kitchen and she says, video? What video? And I'm like, well, see, what had happened was so um, so I took my laptop in the kitchen and I I I pushed play. And I think I got to the part where I said, because of course there's no such thing as a woman who's not at least a fork crazy. And my wife looks at me and she goes, You have to take this down. This this can't be on the internet. This, you know, she already saw the pitchforks and torches coming to run us out of town. And I was like, Oh, honey, it's it's way far gone. There's no taking it down, there's no getting it back, it's done. And so she watches the rest of the video. Now, keeping in mind, she's never even seen the bit, right? So, never mind contemplated that I would make this incredibly viral and somewhat controversial video. So it gets to the end, and she looks at me and she goes, You are an idiot. And I go, Okay, all right, fair. And then she goes, But I'm a unicorn. And I was like, that is exactly why I did this video. You are indeed the original unicorn. So she's been a pretty good sport. Um, there was um, but like I mean, like I said, you know, all the judges that I practice in front of and everything, they I've been a clown for 30 years. So they weren't surprised that I was a clown with a viral video now. Um and and they know me well enough to know that, you know, whatever. The the principal complaints that that people who did not know me had, they were, of course, that um, well, he's obviously a misogynist and he should be canceled. And, you know, the people that know me that I deal with every day, they know better than that. They know they was it was just a it's a bit, it's a joke. So um in in my real life, it didn't change anything. Um now on the internet, there were people who, you know, wanted there were people who came and put fake bad reviews on my web, my law firm website. Um there were there were outraged um advocates for whatever my position was opposite of. I don't even know. Um there was one uh apparently she's some kind of activist over in Australia, and I could have I could start Twitter wars with her entire fan base and then go to bed and wake up because of course they're like on the other side of the earth. So like I'd I'd just send out a tweet and hashtag her into it, and I'd wake up and there'd be like 400 angry, you know, women um defending her and telling me what a pig I was. So yeah, it's kind of fun.
SPEAKER_00So it's a lot of people in the in the danger zone there. I think I think that they're inherently not realizing that they're putting themselves in the street.
SPEAKER_02The Australian, yeah, she was a redhead. So I, you know, what am I gonna do? That was the uh that was the the other subset of people. So there were like there were like three categories, three main categories of people that really um expressed the offense. I don't know how many people were, but I'm sure some were. But there were three categories of people who who really decided that they were going to say how much offended they were. Um there was the category of like arch feminists who just it wasn't funny, nothing about it was funny. I was the problem. I was the I was like the immediate poster boy for all things that are wrong with relations between the sexes or genders or whatever. I was, you know, like cancel, cancel that guy. He's he's a pig. Um, so they were they were bent. Um and then there were the white knights who were just absurd. It's like telling these other women how much how how wrong I am as a man and how you would not ever be like that to a woman is still not gonna work, dude. They're still not gonna, they're still not gonna pay any attention to you. Um, and then there were the the the the weird, the the strange ones, the ones who really went ballistic, were the ones who acted as though I had spoken directly to them, as if I had made the entire video to talk to, you know, uh Betty in Des Moines. You know, like, hey Betty, you're in the no-go zone. And and they just they would they would go on like the the video or they would go on my Facebook page or wherever they could find a place to say, and they would say, What kind of jerk are you? You're a two. Who are you to talk about ugly women being ugly or something? And I was like, It's crazy. I don't even know what to say to that. You're you're mad that you feel like I objectified women and denigrated women that were not attractive, which I that's not what I said, but whatever. And so the response that they gave was to come and track me down and tell me I was ugly or fat or bald or stupid or short or or whatever, um, whatever they thought I was or wasn't. Uh it was like, okay, you you're mad because you think I said some women are ugly, and so you're gonna tell me I'm ugly. That's great. Good for you.
SPEAKER_00You know, it's it's pretty crazy just how I remember there's this kind of early idea for the internet where it's like, oh, you we're all gonna be Swargers have access to all this information and all that. No, didn't really work out.
SPEAKER_02I mean, can you imagine if we could have if we if we were able to hop in a time machine with our with the magic box that I carry in my hand and I'm sh we're we're we're we're able to see each other, but for the purpose of the podcast, I'm holding the uh the ubiquitous iPhone, right? The smartphone. Um can you imagine if we could hop in a time machine, zip back to Philadelphia at the at the moment of our country being founded, and show those guys our phones and tell them I hold in my hand the entire accumulated knowledge of human of humans uh from prehistory, everything we know about humans and the earth and space. It's all right here in my hand, and you can know anything you want in 10 seconds. And they would be like, Oh my god, what do you do with it, man? From the future. And I say, mostly I take pictures of my food and argue with strangers. Can you imagine? Oh, they'd be like, I post pictures of the I post pictures of my pizza uh uh uh and uh I tell strangers that they're wrong. That's pretty much what I do.
SPEAKER_00I I tell you, I I I that's so relatable because I've I've really early on really tuned out of the you know the whole thing of like look when I have a breakfast, I'm like, great. The problem is I didn't get uh you didn't share it equally with your 1,000 followers or how many right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you and your 400 Twitter followers are not a real thing. That's that's that's all make-believe.
SPEAKER_00So absolutely. Um we'll definitely touch upon social media a little bit in just a bit, but um I I want to now kind of bring up a couple things. The first is as we mentioned earlier, uh, before we started recording Dana, um, I found some some interesting quotes from Doris Washington himself, obviously the the man behind the farewell address, which is what the podcast is based on. And I guess I'll start with with one that relates to to family. Now, you mentioned that you've been on city council. I think this is a very relevant topic regarding community about really the family units. And I mean, there's so much that one can touch upon here, but uh the quote from Washington goes like this. He says, quote, my mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual, and physical education I received from her, unquote. And I I read this quote because it it seems like you know, there's there's a number of things that I'm concerned about. One thing I'm concerned about is the the future of the family unit. You know, we kind of look at you know recent history, like say from the 60s or something, the sexual revolution and all this stuff that goes on. But uh it it seems like we we're such a fragmented society. It kind of it's kind of evidence from you know some of those the comments and the things that these weirdos say on the internet. And it's really I love the metaphor that you put out because it's it seems like we okay, we've just because we brand had a smartphone doesn't mean that we're smart. We're calling this phone smart, we're not calling ourselves smart. Um, what would you say about just kind of the state of maybe some of the fragmentation of society to some degree, like maybe in our communities or just the way that we've we've maybe drifted off from the intention, the meaning or the the value of having a family unit.
SPEAKER_02If I remember my Washington right, it's kind of um I don't want to say ironic, but it's um his relationship with his mother was often fraught, if I remember right. Um uh she was sort of a stern, uh aloof woman, but towards the end of his life, perhaps he realized uh how valuable all that had been nonetheless. But I digress. Um the the problem I think one of the problems that we've got in our culture today is that um we have been grinding away uh the family unit, um the traditional family unit, and not replacing it with anything better. Um I'm not um I'm not hidebound by tradition. But I think if we're gonna do away with something, both intentionally and unintentionally, we probably ought to at least think about doing doing something better or at least no worse. And I don't think that's happening. I think we've got um I think we've got way too many children in this country um growing up in broken homes, um, growing up uh with too little uh exposure to two parents. Um uh, you know, uh I'm not uh I'm I'm not one to uh to tell people that they have to stay in an unhealthy relationship, of course. But I think we've made uh the family unit disposable and recyclable. You get um one mom, one dad, and then if you're lucky, you get some other adults that will love you like their own. Um but uh those should be added on you know to the people that are your parents, not rep not uh added in lieu of um your parents. So I think if you look at a lot of the uh a lot of the ills that we suffer today, violence, poverty, just to name two, I think uh isolation, another a lot of those have to do with the breakdown of the family unit, where you have economically driven um uh choices, uh where you have two parents or or maybe just one working, children that are that are not being um mentored well or adequately, or even just in sufficient amounts of time. You know, when when I was a kid, um I was probably one of the I guess I don't know. I'm 54, so I think it may be fair to say I was probably one of the original latchkey kids. Um, you know, both my parents worked outside the home. That was not something that was common in their childhood. And I think the, you know, it it there were some um, there were probably some upsides to that for my generation. And if you grew up a latchkey kid, you learned how to cook for yourself, you learned how to do things for yourself, but you but it also had some ramifications, and one of those is that you learn to become over overly independent and and and um uh if you meet, and I don't know how old you are, but um, I know tons of people my age that don't give a flip about spending time. We're perfectly happy to be alone for a lot. And that may not be great, you know, that may not be great news. Um but it's it's a shame that we have drifted in this direction without consciously thinking about, well, are we are we doing okay? Is this a good choice? We got so caught up in in uh people's rights, individual rights and and and wants, that I think we lost some sense of of um commitment and and and loyalty and and uh perseverance.
SPEAKER_00I really really appreciate what you said, and I I think you're absolutely right. We've really lost that connection with that family. We kind of lose the connection to ourselves in some way. A good example, I think, would be looking at the issue of divorce. Now I know it's a complicated issue, there's uh tons of reasons. One big one would be money, but my father always told me that when he was growing up, and he's about the same age as you are, Dana, you know, divorce was not a normality. It was an exception that shot people. Like with if a kid's parents were divorced, this was kind of a big deal. This was big news. And nowadays it seems like you can't go anywhere without seeing a family or someone just having their lives divided for X number of years when they promised in their vows that they would work out and be a union.
SPEAKER_02It's almost I mean, it's it's it's just about to the point it's celebrated. I mean, um as opposed yeah, I'm not suggesting that you people should be stigmatized by being divorced, but I think um I think too many people I I've I I do a lot of divorce work. I mean, I'm I'm on the front lines of this divorce uh pandemic or endemic or whatever word we want to use. I mean, I'm in it every day. I spent all morning in the middle of the the the the blast radius of a divorce that happened years ago in a custody fight that still lingers. Um and is tragic and it destroys people and it destroys children. And for many people, the divorce was not a better solution. It was merely an easier one that they they perceived it to be easier. It turns out to be disastrous many times, but they there was that was um they it was easier or it looked easier, so they did it. And um, you know, there's a couple kids in that story that I was dealing with this morning that are that are, you know, I didn't I didn't have anything to do with the original divorce. I've come along after. But um I I not so jokingly tell people sometimes, you know, they come to me and they say, Oh, well, you know, my husband and I, we've we've we've had a long talk and we figured it out, and we already know what we want to do about custody and we've we've talked through our finances and we think we have a pretty good plan with that. We just need you to sort of do the paperwork. And I just look at them and I go, if you and your husband have figured out how to raise your kids uh collectively and and sorted out your finances, then you should go home and stay married because you are way ahead of a lot of people that are not getting divorced. Um you you you have you have figured out the two huge pieces of the puzzle, and they kind of look at me crazy and I'm like, I'm just telling you, I mean, if you just don't love each other anymore, I I get it, but um I mean maybe yeah, that that may I I I think one of the problems that we've got is that we have all been sold this this idyllic soulmate nonsense where if only you find the right person, you'll perpetually be happy, and that's just a farce. Um, there's eight billion people on this planet. I could probably be indefinitely happy enough with hell, I don't know, a million of them as my partner, you know, like there's no if you think about if you if you if you believe in this this fantasy land that there's a soulmate, then I have bad news for you. You have just committed to the cruelest creator imaginable, because your creator puts you on a planet with 8 billion people and you're playing hide and go seek looking for one. Um, and and that seems to be an absurd uh proposition to me. The the idea that if if only you you you look hard enough, you'll find the one. And the problem with that, of course, is that there's no such person. And more importantly, you compare any potentially compatible partner to this fantasy land of perfection, and no one will survive that scrutiny. Nobody. So, you know, the the either the the the the stars aligned or the or God made or or whatever you believe is is sort of organizing the universe, or just chaos happened, and random chance puts you in the same elevator as the person you should spend the rest of your life with, and you measured them against your soulmate and found them wanting, so you you didn't even bother to get their name. Well, that can't that so you know I I tell women that they've been sold the Barbie dream house, and there is no Ken. None of us are Ken. None of no dude I know is good enough to live in the Barbie dream house. And yet we start we we start peddling that to girls in this country and in this culture um before they're old enough to get out of the shopping cart at Target. And it it it has real and profound impact.
SPEAKER_00I think you make such a great profound point, Dana, because as I'm thinking about the systemic kind of cultural weaknesses that were things that are incredibly damaging to you know people's ability to find find someone, it just seems like in this day and age, there's a lot of phoniness, for lack of a better term, and like social media like this, like there's a consum, you know, mass like consumerism, there's this kind of aspect where where people are are thinking, oh, I have to be that you know perfect whatever, or I have to find that perfect. If I don't, it it's the end of the world or something.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and what and what you can still see, however, is that what people really crave is authenticity. Because, for example, the re I s I submit that the reason that Dave Chappelle is gangbusters uh successful is because Dave Chappelle says the truth out loud. And and you don't you don't have to agree with him, but you do have to respect the fact that he he risks everything every night uh and just says stuff that he feels and believes. And people know it's authentic, it's not a front. You know, it's like if if Dave Chappelle's entire thing is just a shtick, just a just a front, just a big fake thing, then he's perfected the fake authenticity. But I think what's going on with him is authenticity. And so many times the the people that that that become, and I would say the same thing say at the other end of the spectrum about Oprah. I don't know Oprah, but when you know, but 30 years ago, she was the biggest thing on television. And I think what made her huge was the fact that people felt like they could relate to her. She could be vulnerable, she could be weak, she could be, you know, feisty, she could be real on TV, and that was not something that people were used to at the time. And so she's reaped the wars, rewards. And and to this day, she's she's whether she's real or not, she is beloved for being perceived as authentic. So at the same time that people are pretending to be something that they're not, what they crave is real, realness.
SPEAKER_00It's and it seems like with things like you know, cancel culture, you mentioned cancel culture a little bit, and uh just relating that also to the political correctness sort of culture that's going on, it it all it seems like it's that's what's crazy about these uh these things is that it's like a rejection of what is real.
SPEAKER_02My view of that is that uh uh people want to at the Same time that they want to relate to people that are authentic, they also want to belong to something. They want to belong to something bigger than themselves. And so, you know, 200 years ago, if you wanted to belong to something bigger than yourself, you actually had to know human beings that lived near you. Okay. And and if you had to know human beings that lived near you, then you were probably going to be accountable for the things that you said and you did. Like if you told the man in the farm a mile away that you were going to have, you know, five pigs for him, you better, or else, you know, that dude and no one else was going to deal with you anymore. So you need people, I think, have a an innate urge to belong to a to a something bigger than themselves. And the problem is now that you can pick some tiny little sphere of belonging and manufacture it and get in it without leaving your house. Um, and so people can can can like cut, copy, paste an identity from the internet and become a full-fledged voting leading member of whatever little tiny sphere of people pocket of the internet that they want. So like we could go find the little pocket of of people who love pug dogs on the internet. And I'm sure that there's some queen and king of pug internet world, right? And and and if you please or displease the you know, the royalty of the internet bunch of pug people, there are consequences. But until you do, if you if you ingratiate yourself with them, then you can sit in your house and be a a welcome member of whatever, okay. And so this cancel culture thing just enables people to do a couple things simultaneously. One, they get to belong to something that's bigger than themselves, right? So, like next week, there's gonna be a cancel some dude or some woman because they said or did something that this group found offensive. So there's gonna be a dog pile of people, you know, seeing who can shout down the the evil person the loudest, and they will gain credentials and credibility and and gravitas in their little group of of people that they'll never actually meet in person. Um they also get to feel like they did something, right? Like, like instead of like actually doing something, they get to claim credit for doing something. So it's like this microwave shortcut to meaningfulness. And uh unfortunately, it's Ursatz. It's not you didn't actually do anything. When you when you were the 4,000th person to sign the change.org petition, the world did not change. But you got to pat yourself on the back and release those endorphins and feel like you did something, and then you got to go back to your little forum and tell them that you did you did something, um, you know, where where your fake internet, you know, persona resides. So I think it's a terribly unhealthy world that's been enabled by the the technology. We are not evolved as as creatures to manage the technology that we've created for ourselves. We're just not.
SPEAKER_00Yes, and it seems like a lot of what you're saying, Dana, is something that the social media companies know because they know that if they can stimulate, I can't remember the the part of the brain that is stimulated by you know confirmation bias and you know tribalism and all that, but it it it seems like there's a the whole mechanism there that they can say if if this can happen to the average person, we can we can almost mass produce you know the the demand for stuff like this.
SPEAKER_02Well, here's okay, so so if you I think you're right, and if you want to if you just want to run a little experiment, I did this, and this is kind of odd coming from a guy who became internet famous, but um, but I started asking myself because you know, with that internet fame came some like like bag some baggage and some weird stuff, right? Like people I didn't know reaching out to me and you know, all kinds of if if if 300 million people see your video, uh a significant number of them are either insane or malevolent or ambitious or or manipulative or or whatever. And they and they'll find you and whatever. So it took me a while to realize that good lord, you know, I've like I just treated anyone that came at me on the internet like I'd like they'd stop me on the sidewalk. I was nice enough to them, and then you know, I'd be like, oh sure, yeah, I'm I I I'm a lawyer, I I answer questions, you know. I was like, and then sometimes they turned out to be weirdos, and I was like, oh, that's weird. So I'd like you know, have to shut that down and walk off, figuratively speaking. But um here's the experiment that I decided to run on myself, and I I my results were conclusive. Um, I thought, well, if I'm spending, let's say 15 hours a week on social media, that's probably low at the time. You know, maybe I'm spending 30. I don't know. It's easy to pile up if you're honest about record keeping, right? Um if I let's just say 15 hours a week. And I thought, well, would my life be better if instead of spending 15 hours a week on Instagram and Twitter and Facebook, to name three, would my life be better if I took those 15 hours and reallocated them to reading a book, walking my dogs, talking to my wife, sleeping? Well, obviously the answer is yes, right? I mean, it can't be no, but it it's an emphatic, well, that seems obvious, right? So I said, I'm gonna do it. So I shut it all down and I got away from it. And I did reallocate most of that same time to something productive, you know. But what I didn't realize was that that the 15 hours of or whatever, 15 or 30 or however many minutes and hours it really was, in the absence of that, what also happened was that my um my diet, my my intake and consumption of negative emotions diminished to nearly none. So when I cut out Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, so went, so with those three being gone, what also was gone was Schadenfreud, contempt, lust, greed, envy, you know, all kinds of all kinds of negative emotions that were being just completely like overhyped by way of social media. And so I found that it wasn't the fact that I was reading and talking to my wife and walking around the block and practicing law and sleeping more that was making my life better. It was the fact that I wasn't experiencing Schadenfreude, contempt, lust, greed, envy, and every other negative emotion constantly. Um, so I'd have been way better off to just take the same 15 hours and sit in a dark closet and do nothing. Um, never mind actually go do something worth doing. And I don't know anyone that, if they're honest with themselves, wouldn't find out the same thing if they did it themselves.
SPEAKER_00Yes, I I I just I I really I'm I'm so concerned about you know how this is gonna affect you know future generations now. I don't know what the next technology is. It it just seems like it comes. You know, you you make a great point about how it just kind of it's kind of thrust upon the human population.
SPEAKER_02It's a it's an add I don't know exactly what it's gonna be, but it's going to be a further distortion of reality. Like what I don't know, you know, like holograms or or or virtual reality or whatever, whatever the next technological quantum leap is going to be. I do know this. It will be a distortion of reality. Uh a more extreme and and pervasive distortion of reality.
SPEAKER_00All right, ladies and gentlemen, that'll wrap up part one of episode 82 with Dana McClendon. I hope you enjoyed the conversation so far. While we may not know the next technology, we definitely know that there is a part two, which is down in the show notes below. Make sure to check that out. I really appreciate you all listening to part one, and we'll be back shortly with part two.
